Back From Black: Am I too Late
by Lie 2 Me
Summary: Sean is gone, Her dad died, and her moms drinking again. Her friends are the only thing Ellie can count on. But what happens when they're not enough? What happens when Sean comes back?
1. Whisper:I'm Fine

**A/N: **This is a degrassi fic. On the show I like almost everyone but when I read fanfics I really don't care for Paige, Hazel, Manny, Peter, Toby, JT, Liberty, Craig, Jimmy, or Emma centric fics. I think it would have been easier to say I only read Ellie, Sean, Jay, and Alex. But I like the Ellie Emma friendship and The Sean, Jay, Ellie love triangle. I like Jallie, and Jemma, and Sellie, sometimes Cralex. And this is a sellie with Emma Ellie Alex friendship.

**A/N: **I don't really know where I'm headed with this story so bare with me. I'm new at writing Degrassi because it has a lot of drama and it involves being at the school a lot but I like it 'cause you can take the plot line anywhere. So this is my first attempt at a degrassi story. I hope you like it. Oh the **bold **is the Info, _Italics _is their thoughts, and _bold italics are memories._

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything but the story and my imagination.

**Chapter 1**: The beginning

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**Background Info: **This is confusing but after Jay, Ellie, and Emma dropped Sean off they headed back. Alex broke up with Jay and him and Emma haven't hooked up but they know they like each other. Ellie did move out of the apartment into a bigger one with two bedrooms and her mom helped pay for her half of the rent while Jay paid for the other because he moved in. moved with her and he has a job. He cares about Ellie like a sister and Emma actually cares too. They all bonded on the way back from Dropping off Sean. Emma changed a little she isn't Goth but she wears baggy pants sometimes, black and white, and no bright colors. She died her hair a darker blonde and the tips black. She hangs with Manny sometimes 'cause many lives with her. Jimmy was shot but he took physical therapy and can walk. Ellie doesn't like Craig or Jimmy like dating and Queen of hearts Episode happened so did Venus, and the last episode. Now it's summer and Ellie, Jay, Emma, Alex, and Jimmy are hanging out together. Jimmy reformed into a good guy bad boy type. Like Sean but minus the stealing. He is on and off with Alex. Ok and Sean's only been gone for like three months. Ellie has this big secret she's been keeping and doesn't want anyone to know.

**It was three in the morning and Jay got up to get some water when he walked by Ellie's room and heard her crying again. He felt bad Ellie always tried to keep it together when she was around everyone. The first few weeks after Sean left she seemed to be crying a lot and then she got over it, but when Ferret buller died she was back to herself. Emma said it was because her last tie to Sean was gone and so she wasn't constantly reminded of him. When she and Jay moved into the new apartment she was a lot better a new Ellie. But she had gone back to this after they found her dad had died, and then her mom started drinking again. Ellie still got her rent from her mom but she got a job for everything else they needed. Now here Jay was standing outside her door listening to her cry again. He never went in though, he thought she needed her own space. But it was coming on the third week of this and he couldn't do it anymore so he knocked on her door and waited for her answer and entered**.

"Hey, Sorry did I wake you." **She had tears coming out of her puffy red eyes and tried to wipe them away.**

"No I was up. I heard you crying, are you ok?" Dumb question he thought but still he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine." **She was lying he knew and she knew it so she wasn't surprised that he didn't leave.**

"Ellie come on I know there's something wrong. I know I'm not Mr. sensitive and all like Em but you can talk to me." **What he said wasn't all wrong, I mean he wasn't really all that sympathetic but he was trying to change and plus Ellie was like a sister and the first person to actually try and be his friend and gave a damn about him after Sean left. **

"I know Jay but really I'm ok." **Ellie felt bad, he was trying to help but she didn't want him to get to close in fear that she would lose him too.**

"Ellie look at me, I know you're not fine, and I know you're suppose to be all bad ass and tough chick but you don't have to pretend around me. I know you're hurting and I want to help. I can't stand to see you in pain, ok I love you, you're like a sister to me and I want you to be able to lean on me when you need to, like right now. So just tell your big brother Jay what's wrong." **The last part got a small chuckle out of her and she new he really wanted to be there so she opened up and told him. **

"It's just that first Sean leaves and then Buller, and my dad dies and my moms drinking again. I feel like everyone I get close to leaves me. I'm to hurt to be happy I can't do this anymore I can't let anyone else in. I'm afraid of losing them, I'm afraid of losing my friends and I'm not strong enough to go through that again. I can't make he pain go away no matter how hard I try I can't stop it and I want to so badly." **She was crying harder than she had been before so Jay wrapped he in a hug and comforted her.**

"It's ok Ellie, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but you're never going to lose me no matter what happens I'll always be there for you. You can let me in and you can let Emma and Alex and Jimmy in too. We all love you and we won't leave you. I promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you again." **If Ellie were in her right state of mind she would have been shocked. This was so not like Jay. She didn't care though all she heard was his promise and that he loved her like a sister. She wanted to be strong and to let him in.**

"Ok I'll be more open with everyone as long as you keep to your promise and stay with me." **She had stopped crying and was really sleepy. She lay back down and started dosing off.**

"I promise ok now you should sleep 'cause everyone's coming over tomorrow or should I say today." **He was happy that she finally let him in and that she stopped crying. He covered her up and turned of the lamp and was about to leave when she spoke.**

"Hey, will you stay with me? I don't want to wake up alone again." **She was half asleep half awake but still worried that she was going to have another nightmare and wake up alone and afraid.**

"Yeah of course as long as you don't get any ideas and I wake up with my legs shaven like last time." **He joked causing her to smile. He remembered when he and Jimmy fell asleep and Emma, Alex, and Ellie had shaven both he and Jimmy's legs.**

"To tired to do it right now but if I wake up before you and Emma's here I can't promise I won't." **She joked and he climbed in the bed and got comfortable and started going to sleep. **"Hey by the way you said I was like your sister who says I'm not the oldest?"

"Trust me I'm way to mature and Protective of you to be the youngest." **He smiled although she couldn't see it and went to sleep.**

**The next morning Jay woke up first so he got the breakfast started. He made a big breakfast knowing the others would come over and eat breakfast with them like they always did. He got done and almost immediately following the doorbell rang and when he opened it he saw Emma and a very pissed off looking Manny. He wondered why Manny was there but didn't say anything. A few seconds later though he realized why when he saw Craig come over. He didn't know why Craig was there either, he knew Ellie and him were friends but Craig didn't really come over.**

"Hey Em, Manny, Craig. What are you to here for?" _Ok why the hell are they here I don't really care for Craig but Manny I can't stand._

"Um I came by to drop off Emma her car isn't working and I also wanted to give Ellie her birthday present. Is she up?" **Craig and Manny had come in Emma was already in the kitchen setting the table. She did it every morning 'cause she was always the first to come.**

"Uh no she's still sleep, I was just about to wake her if you want to wait." **Shit I forgot today was her birthday. Thank God I bought her a gift last week.**

"Ok that's fine, but can I use your bathroom." **Craig was ok sometimes considering who he hung out with, Paige and them, and who he dated, Manny. Jay was ok when he stopped by as long as he wasn't with any of those people.**

"Yeah go right ahead it's down the hall to the left." **Em if anyone comes just tell them to wait before they eat, and I'm mainly talking about Alex." Emma laughed. Alex never waited for anyone she just walked in and started eating, no matter what the time of day.**

"Ok." **Jay left the room and Manny went over to talk to her**. "What is it Manny?"

"Nothing it's just you seem to make yourself right at home here." **Manny hated how Emma changed mainly because Emma was never around to hear Manny talk about her and Craig or to listen to her wine. She didn't like her hanging around Jay and Ellie, she thinks Ellie still has a thing for Craig and she hates her.**

"Well it is like a second home. I mean me and Ellie and everyone else really bonded. After Sean apologized I realized that he asked me to look after Ellie and so we got to become great friends. Plus after you hooked up with Craig again you haven't been around to hang out with and plus it's fun here." **She really did like it here it was like her second home she even had a key, everyone did. **

"It's fun? Em these people have changed you, I don't even know who you are anymore." **She was pissed and Emma thought she was pissed for no reason. Manny was just mad because she didn't like Ellie and because she wasn't around to listen to her problems anymore. Emma would have said something but Craig came back so she kept quite.**

**Off in Ellie's room Jay had knocked and walked in. He went over to wake her up when something caught his eye from across the room on Ellie's dresser he saw what looked like a CD case opened and a protractor sticking out. With out thinking he walked over to it and looked at it. He could see small drops of blood on the dresser and on the floor, he already knew what it was from. He placed it back on her dresser and walked over to her and gently pulled down her arm warmer and saw two freshly knew cuts along side a lot more that looked recent. His heart broke she was doing it again and he didn't even know. He felt horrible and mad at the same time. It was dangerous and she needed to stop. She started to get up so he pulled the arm warmer back up just in time 'cause she rolled over and looked at him.**

"Hey what are you doing?" **She was a it surprised to see him standing over her she usually woke up on her own and saw him in the kitchen just in time for breakfast. Why was he waking her up did she over sleep?**

"Oh Craig is here he wanted to see you so I just came to wake you." **He was telling the truth he just left the other part of the story out. He didn't want her birthday to be ruined by this; he would just talk to her about it later. He left the room and went back to the living room. **

**Ellie got up and got dressed she wondered why Craig was there he never came over. She saw her case on the dresser and hid it under the bed and wondered if Jay saw it. When she walked in the living room she saw Craig, Manny, Jimmy, Alex, and Emma. Emma was the first to run over and hug her.**

"Happy birthday Ellie**." Ellie looked surprised like she walked in to a surprise party.**

"Oh I forgot today was my birthday. Thanks for reminding me Em. Hey guys, Craig what's up have you finally decided to join are little family for breakfast?" **She joked but it was kind of true they were like a family.**

"Yeah 'cause papa Jay makes great pancakes and mommy Ellie over their makes good coffee." **Jimmy joked which got everyone except Manny to laugh.**

"Hey Jay gets great and I just get good, you're grounded mister." **Ellie was having fun she laughed with the rest of them forgetting what had happened earlier.**

"But mom, I've got a date tonight." **Jimmy loved that he and everyone else could have fun like this. It was like he was understood with them whereas with Paige and them they just felt sorry and didn't understand.**

"Anyways so what's up Craig." **She along with everyone else remembered they were there**.

"Oh I came by to give you this, happy birthday. I didn't know what else to get you hope you like it." **Ellie opened the box and in it was a belly ring with a guitar hanging from it and it was real, it had real diamonds in it**.

"Oh Craig I love it, it's beautiful thank you." **She ran over and gave him a hug but broke away quickly seeing Manny looking pissed.**

**After they left everyone sat down to breakfast and started eating and joking around. Jimmy and Alex got her presents but told her she would have to wait until the party to get them.**

"So whose day is it to clean up?" **Jay asked hoping it wasn't his day**

"I think it's Alex's day I cleaned yesterday." **Emma answered quickly. Last time she didn't answer fast enough and got stuck with cleaning up.**

"Oh no it's not it's Jimmy's turn." **It was really hers but she didn't want to clean, it was a mess.**

"No it ain't I cleaned the day before. It's definitely your day." **Jimmy wasn't going for hat he quickly got up and walked to the fridge to get a drink.**

"Yeah it's your day Alex I have it written on the chart. Get to washing." **Ellie laughed at Alex's frustration as she got up to start washing and went to her room to take a shower and change**.

**Jay had told Alex to stop for a minute and told her and the rest of them to sit down. He waited till Ellie was gone to talk.**

"So I got a call from Sean today, says he's on his way back and that he'll be here later on." He had received the call early when he was cooking. Sean said that he was approved for a loan and had already started working on a business and would be permanently moving back." **He was shocked just like the others.**

"So he's staying for good man what else did he say?" **Jimmy was shocked but not as shocked as Alex or Emma. They thought he wasn't ever going to come back.**

"He asked if he could stay with me for a while 'cause he didn't know what Ellie wanted him to do or if she even kept the apartment. I told him I would have to see cause I had a roommate." **His roommate was the person Sean wasn't sure wanted to see him. This was going to kill Ellie, what was he going to do.**

"Well he can't stay here I mean hello Ellie." **Emma said she was a little pissed and a little confused.**

"Duh, but that's not all. To make things worse I talked to Ellie this morning she had been crying, anyway she said that everyone she loved kept hurting her by leaving her and that she was afraid to let us in because she thinks she'll lose us to." **Jay wasn't sure he should be telling them this but they needed to know what was going on.**

"What of course she can let u in, we're her friends. Given we're all screwed up and have problems, but still her friends." **Alex was basically her friend before most of them so she knew Ellie and she cared.**

"It gets worse though." **Jay started but Jimmy spoke.**

"Damn will you stop, if it gets any worse the earth will end?" **Jimmy was worried that it was really something bad and he should be.**

"Well be prepared then. I went to wake her up this morning and I saw her case on the dresser and when I pulled down her arm warmers she had two new cuts and some recent ones. She's cutting again." **No one said anything they were all to shocked.**

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Well I hope you like it and tell me what you think. It might take a day or three before I update and they probably won't be this long, but if you like it so far keep reading. 


	2. Scream:Not Fine

**A/N: **Hey thanks for the reviews. I love Sellie so it's fun writing it and everything. Someone also put it in his or her C2 community and that's so cool thank you. I never update this soon but I couldn't wait to see where my mind takes me. Oh BTW I don't have this planned or written out or anything so if you have any suggestions please tell me. Sorry to say but my next update won't be until like Wednesday or Thursday, I'm going to a different city so sorry but that will give me time to think more and hopefully start writing it. Ok I hope you like this.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything to do with Degrassi only the story and my own imagination with it.

**Chapter 2**: Scream: Not fine

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**The kitchen was quite with a whole lot of emotion shock, fear, worry, and even a little disbelief.**

**They didn't know what to say they loved Ellie and to hear this about her. She promised she wouldn't do it anymore that's what Sean said, but I guess you can't really of expected her to keep that promise when Sean himself broke his promise to her. Plus with everything going on how could she stay true to her words. How could they not have know or at least suspected this.**

"I can't believe this. I mean she seems so ok, so kept together all the time. I guess it was an act to keep us from worrying." **Emma was on the verge of tears she couldn't believe Ellie was doing it again.**

"Like that's suppose to make me feel any better. She told me she wasn't going back to that, she said she wouldn't do it again. I want to be mad at her but I can't." **Alex wasn't crying but you could hear that she wanted to in her voice. She had been there when Ellie was going through the pain of losing her dad and she said that it wasn't going to happen.**

"Oh my... I feel horrible. I saw her I think one day. I walked in the bathroom and she was getting dressed and I saw her hide something and I saw blood on the floor it wasn't a lot so I didn't assume anything when she said she cut herself shaving. But man that was over a month ago." **Jimmy was dumbfound at the fact that he could have seen this over a month ago and not thought nothing of **it.

Wait, over a month ago? You mean this has been going on for over a month?" **Emma was now mind blown at this. She spent time with Ellie and she didn't know anything about it.**

"I guess. So what's the plan? I mean do we confront her as a group?" **Jimmy wanted to do something anything. He couldn't imagine something bad happening to Ellie.**

"No we can't, at least not today. It's her birthday and what with Sean coming back and all it's already going to be bad." **Jay had already planned this out. He didn't want to ruin her birthday and he didn't want to just come right out and say it so he was going to wait until he knew for sure what he was going to do.**

"So we wait and then what go up to her and say "hey El let me see your arm." No way that wouldn't do any good." **Emma was trying to be sensible and think of ways to approach this without Ellie freaking out.**

"I can't wait around and do nothing knowing she's in there hurting herself. What if something happens, what if she cuts to deep?" **Alex was mad, mad at the fact that she couldn't do anything to help her friend.**

"Then what do you suppose we do Alex huh? If we just throw it all on her she's going to freak out and run and hurt herself. I agree with Jay we need to wait and come up with a plan." **Jimmy didn't want to wait either but what could he do.**

"So we wait and plan it out. Tomorrow at breakfast we sit down and discuss it. But there has to be no sympathy. Sean said she hated it when people tried to get all sympathetic and try to make her get help. We simply tell her were worried and that we understand why she's doing it and that we're here for her, but we wish she would stop." **Jay was satisfied with his plan, which would work as long as no one yelled or cried.**

"Oh G-d what about Sean, I mean he's coming back and he's going to want a place to stay and Ellie's going to be upset and Sean can't know she's doing it again. As much as I'm mad at him for leaving her he can't no he was one of the reasons no one should be forced to live with guilt of knowing that." **Emma was right they all agreed Sean couldn't find out about this.**

"So where's he going to stay? My mom and dad would freak and say hell no just at the mention of someone else staying there especially a boy." **Emma really couldn't her parents already had to take care of Manny; they would not be up for taking care of anyone else other than their own kids.**

"Well he defiantly can't stay at my place I mean my mom would either try to hit on him or her boyfriend would _hit_ him. My place is out of the question." **Alex answered knowing what would happen and plus she was pissed at Sean and would probably cuss him out.**

"So I guess that leaves my place. Fine my parents are never home anyway, but only for a couple of weeks." Jimmy agreed. It had all been settled just in time to because Ellie just opened her door and came into the living room first looking around the room suspiciously and then into the kitchen.

Alexandria Renée Nunez, if you do not get in this kitchen and clean up right now the only places you'll be going for the next two weeks are and bed." **Ellie joked thinking everyone was still in the kidding mood. After a "Play along act natural" look from Jay Alex got up and went along with it.**

"Yes ma'am, sorry mom." **Alex joked back half-heartedly. Jimmy tried to lighten the mood and started laughing.**

"Ha ha busted, slacking on the job**." Ellie turned to Jimmy and gave him a playful stern look.**

"Just for that you have to help her." **Emma was about to laugh but saw that Ellie was going to give her the same punishment if she did so she stifled the laugh.**

"But ma..." **Jimmy protested but Ellie cut him off.**

"Don't you but ma me you know better than to make fun." **Ellie was enjoying this and so were Emma and Jay. The mood had lightened and all was back to normal again. **

**Jay sat down on the couch and Emma slid onto the couch and rested her head in Jay's lap, which ensured a suspicious look from Ellie and everyone else as they walked over and sat down. Ellie was in her bean bag chair that she loved so much and Jimmy and Alex were sitting together in the love seat.**

"I think Daddy's steppin out ma." **Alex joked seeing Emma and Jay hugged up on the couch.**

"Yeah mom, I think he's having an affair. Better call the lawyer and I will not go along in the custody battle. I choose to stay with mom." **Jimmy was laughing at his own statement along with Alex.**

"Jay how could you do this to me? I thought you loved me, it's over and I'm taking the kids."

**Ellie, Alex and Jimmy bust out laughing and Jay and Emma sat slightly amused but still didn't move.**

"Ha ha you guys are so funny, Emma don't you think they're just so funny?" **Jay was speaking sarcastically. They all laughed and joked about it.**

"No but seriously what's up with you two, do ya'll like secretly go out or something?" **Ellie asked, only because she knew Jay liked Em and Em liked Jay so she wanted them to get together.**

"No we don't there's nothing going on. Ellie you lay in my lap all the time." **Jay told her he was right but this was different he knew, Emma knew it, hell everyone knew it.**

"Yeah but remember I'm like your little sister, so it doesn't count. I mean you never do it with Alex." **Everyone laughed but Ellie she didn't catch on**.

"Thank G-d for that." **Seeing that Ellie didn't get it she told her what they were laughing at. "Ellie think about the last line you said.**

Oh, eww, guys I didn't mean it like that." **Ellie laughed at how slow she was and at what she said.**

"I know what you meant Ellie and Jay and I are just friends nothing more right Jay." **Jay simply nodded his head thinking that he wanted to be more than friends.**

"Ok whatever. So let's take it to a vote. Who thinks Emma and Jay should get together?" **Everyone raised their hand even Jay which caused everyone to start laughing.**

"Jay, you voted against me on the subject?" **Emma asked not really playing but more serious. She wanted to go out with Jay and she hoped that he was serious**.

"Well of course you knew I liked you." **Jay looked down at her and she smiled at him who caused Jimmy and Ellie to go aw and Alex to go ew.**

"So then it's settled Emma and Jay go out. That's so cool Em and Jay me and Alex..." **Jimmy stopped noticing what he was getting at he could hit himself but he was to late Alex did it for him.**

"No guys it's ok, I'm cool. I have to go to the bathroom I'll be right back." **Ellie got up to leave but only made it to the hall as Jay called out.**

"Eleanor Mackenzie Nash hold it right there." **She stopped and turned around to look at him, a bit suspicious and surprised he used her whole name. But she didn't have much time to think about it as the doorbell rang. Jay quickly found a cover up.**

"Will you answer the door please?" **Everyone looked at Jay like as to say "you idiot". But all he could do was mouth I'm sorry. Ellie walked to the door and answered it. There was an excited Manny and a confused looking Craig standing there. Manny didn't even wait to be invited in she just ran over to the couch and grabbed Emma's hand. Craig walked in and sat down.**

"Sorry guys she asked me to drive her over here and didn't tell me why hope we're not intruding ." **Craig apologized as the rest just shrugged and wondered what the hell was up with Manny.**

"Em you'll never believe who I just saw at the dot." **Manny was obviously excited as the rest of them except Craig and Ellie caught on. They had to get Ellie out of the room before she heard.**

"Um hold on, Ellie where's your cell phone?" **Emma asked trying to get rid of her.**

"In the room why?" **Ellie wanted to hear what Manny was talking about so she really wasn't paying much attention to Emma's plan.**

"I think I heard it ring." Ellie eyed her suspiciously and looked around the room and everyone except Manny and Craig nodded so she went to go see.

"Em what did you do that for, whatever anyway I saw Sean at the dot. He was so cute you guys should totally hook back up. Well I set it up for you anyway 'cause you were talking about how Craig and me are always together and so now you'll have someone to hang out with. And don't worry about Ellie I made sure she wasn't going to be in the picture. Anyways I told him you were over here and he should be here in about five minutes. Em aren't you excited, you can get back together with your first love. This is so cool." **Manny seemed to be the only one that looked excited. Emma had her mouth open in shock, Jay closed his eyes and threw his head back banging it on the couch a couple times, Jimmy shook his head and leaned his head back to, and Alex was just expressionless. Even Craig had more expression his matched Emma's a little.**

"Manny three things. First you had no right to meddle. Second I have people to hang out with, and third what do you mean you made sure Ellie was out of the picture. Did he say he didn't like her anymore?" **Emma was a little curious she knew how devious Manny could be.**

"Oh no I just told him that Ellie had totally hooked up with someone else. Bye the way there was no ringing phone is she really that dumb to believe it to be gone this long." **Manny said this and Jay shot up realizing Ellie had been gone a long time. Then it hit him he remembered she tried to get away earlier. He figured the rest of them just realized it to 'cause they all had a worried look on there face.**

"El, what's taking you so long?" **No answer Jay got up and was about to go after hr when the doorbell rang. Trouble was about to ensure. He went and answered the door and there stood Sean Cameron smiling. Manny squealed and dragged him inside**.

"Hey guys what's up?" **He in return got a look of evil from Alex who got up and went to find Ellie Emma just looked at him Craig said hi and Jimmy said hey.**

**Alex walked into Ellie's room and didn't se her there so she went to the bathroom and saw Ellie sitting on the floor crying while she was holding her bloody arm and the razor set next to her. Alex ran over to her and grabbed a towel and covered her arm.**

"Alex I'm so sorry you shouldn't see me like this. I know how painful it is for you." **Ellie was referring to the time Alex came over and saw Ellie's arm covered in blood she called 911 and she almost died. Alex had agreed to keep it a secret as long as Ellie agreed to stop. Ellie was crying and apologizing at the same time.**

"Oh Ellie it's ok I'm here. I should be the one apologizing I let this happen, I'm so sorry." **It would have been amazing if Ellie were in the right state of mind, to see Alex was actually crying. Alex ran back in the living room with tears in her eyes. Everyone turned to look at her. Jay asked was it Ellie without even speaking. Alex nodded as Emma became to cry and Jay's eyes started to water.**

"Damn it." **Jay yelled before he took off Craig, Manny and Sean looked confused not understanding what was going on. They all stood there then they heard a bang and yelling. The yelling was so clear like they were close.**

"Damn it come on." **Jay was yelling at Ellie as she tried to fight with him.**

"No Jay I 'm sorry please I'm so sorry". **Ellie was crying in his arms**.

"Alex what the hell is going on? Who's he talking to?" **Sean asked a little disturbed at what he could have just walked in to.**

"How bad is it?" **Jimmy asked still leaving the others confused**

"I don't know she was crying but only made one." **Alex responded not answering Sean question.**

"Ok will someone please tell me what's going on here; 'cause I'm starting to get a little freaked out." **Sean asked but no one answered his question at the time Jay walked he looked as if he'd been crying.**

"How is she?" **Emma asked as she went over to Jay and he wrapped her in a hug and received a suspicious look from Craig Manny and Sean.**

"She's ok for now, I gave her some sleeping pills. Don't worry I took the bottle. Um Craig Manny I think you guys should leave now. Sean you'll be staying at Jimmy's is that ok?" **But before anybody could move Ellie walked in and went over to Jay who had let Emma go.**

"Hey I don't want the pills. Guys I'm so sorry I know I promised." **Ellie didn't see Sean or Manny and Craig.**

"It's ok maybe you should get back to bed." **Jay said trying to block Sean from view. Ellie was talking so low that only Jay, Emma, Alex, and Jimmy could hear.**

"No I have to say this. Guys I'm so sorry." **Jay was still trying to cover Sean's view as he was trying to see. He didn't notice Ellie swaying. Then Emma screamed and it became apparent Jay looked down and saw what Emma was screaming at. Ellie had blood all over her arm. Sean and Manny and Craig had moved around and saw the scene before them a little more as Ellie passed out.**

""Ellie damn it girl you stay with me. Someone call 911." **Alex started screaming and Emma broke down crying on the floor Craig called 911 as Jimmy ran over to Ellie and started trying to help Jay. Sean had just realized what happened as Jay was screaming for Ellie to get up all Sean could do was stand there then he spoke one single word**.

"Ellie."

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I hope you enjoyed it please review. I was thinking about changin this chapter though. So you tell me Leave it, or Change it. 


	3. Don't Dream: The Pain

**A/N: **I'm back and Thanks for all the reviews I'm glad you like it. I'm kinda stuck so I hope you like this enough to keep reading. Here it goes. This chapter has a heavy cussing notice to it.

**Disclaimer**: I only own the story and my imagination.

**Chapter 3: **Don't Dream: The Pain

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"Ellie." **Was all Sean could say. He couldn't believe what he saw. Ellie, his Ellie was passed out bleeding on the floor. He had to do something**

"No don't call. She's only 17, they'll call social service or whatever and she'll be taken away. She's not emancipated right." **When Ellie was living with him he learned a lot about this stuff just in case something like this ever happened**.

"Then what the hell am I suppose to do? She's bleeding a lot, Sean she could die." **Jay was trying to stay calm but at the same time he was mad and worried.**

"No she isn't going to die. I will not sit here and watch her die. Dammit do something." **Alex was yelling and crying she was pissed at the fact that they were just sitting there doing nothing.**

"Do something Jay." **Emma was yelling and crying to she was also trying to comfort Alex but it wasn't working.**

"What the hell can I do then? I'm not a doctor. We need to get her to a doctor or else she's going to die." **Jay was holding Ellie and trying to make the blood stop but it wasn't working**

"I know a doctor you could call um James something the numbers in my bag." **Jimmy threw in trying to remember the number.**

"No time, help me get her to the car. Sean keep applying pressure to her arm. Jimmy the keys are on the hook, you drive. Hold on Ellie everything's going to be ok, just hang on." **Jay was yelling out orders and trying to stay calm.**

**Emma and Alex were the only ones home. They were cleaning up the blood and trying to keep their minds off what was going on. It had been three hours and Emma was starting to get worried. They sent Manny and Craig home and were just about to call when Jimmy and Sean walked in followed by Jay carrying a sleeping Ellie in his arms.**

"How is she?" **Alex asked as she went over to lay her head on Jimmy's shoulder.**

"She's ok now. Twelve stitches, he gave her some painkillers and some under the table Anti-depressants." **Jimmy laid his head back and started rubbing Alex's head.**

"What about him, how's he doing." **Emma said nodding her head in the direction in which Jay left.**

"Jay, well he's what you'd expect. Hasn't said anything to anyone. Man I've never seen him like this, the whole way there he kept telling her he was sorry and that he should have done something sooner." **Jimmy was starting to feel bad he felt like it was somehow his fault, like he could have stopped it if he would have aid something sooner.**

"Wait, you guys knew she was doing this again and you didn't do anything." **Sean spoke with anger in his voice, which made everyone realize he was there.**

"No we only found out about it this morning. Jay was the one who found out, he told us and we were waiting for the right time to say something." **Jimmy got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. He was pissed that Sean thought he had any right to accuse them of not doing anything**.

"Waiting for the right time. How about the second you found out. What the hell were you guys thinking letting her go on doing this. She could have died today. Do you guys even care?" **Sean was pissed he was yelling at everyone as if he had the right to.**

"Where do you get off?" **Alex stood up and was in return yelling at Sean.**

"Alex don't." **Emma was trying to calm her down before she said something irrational**.

"No I'm not walking on eggshells just to spare his feelings; he needs to hear this." **Alex looked at Sean as if she could kill him.**

"No Emma she's right let her speak, I want to here her defend her ass in this one." **Sean had that same look on his face he was mad.**

"You left her all alone, she didn't want tot speak to anyone. She cried for as long as I can remember and not once did you bother to call and see how she was doing. She loved you for reasons I'll never understand, but you didn't care all you thought about was yourself. So finally after she stopped crying over you the ferret died and she was sad but she got over it. Then her dad died and her mom started drinking again and that was more then she could handle. Do you know how hard it was for her? She would put on a brave face for us but Jay said it was an act. He would pass by her room in the middle of the night and hear her crying. But she told us she wasn't doing it again and we believed her." **Alex had tears coming down her face; it was hard remembering what she went through. It had been hard on all of them.**

"No you wanted to believe she wasn't doing it again. I think apart of you all knew she was doing it, but you didn't care to ask her or to check." **Sean wasn't being reasonable he was acting as though they didn't care.**

"You son of a bitch don't you dare accuse us of not caring. Do you know how hard it was walking in and seeing her bleeding or watching her cry in your arms telling you see was sorry and that she didn't want you to see this. Do you have any idea how hard it was promising that you wouldn't tell any one because she said she would never do it again. Having to put her in to bed after you cleaned the blood up and telling her everything was going to be ok or hearing her say that no one cared about her that no one loved her. I sat there with her and held her as she went to sleep, I told her that I loved her and that I cared but she said she didn't want me to because it seemed like everyone she loved ended up leaving. And after I told her that I would never leave she said that she didn't want anyone to love her because she didn't want them to hurt for her when she left. After that I sat there and cried she basically told me that she was afraid of us leaving her or her leaving us. So don't you tell me I don't care about her, 'cause I care about her more than you ever could." **Alex was face to face with Sean and she was yelling at him. Sean was now crying something Alex said must have gotten to him. As for everyone else they were shocked. Alex never told them about that. Jay however was in the doorway with a look of sadness and anger on his face**.

"I love Ellie. That is not something I'll let you accuse me of not doing. But I can say that if I had known about everything I would have came back sooner. When I left I knew what I was possibly doing, but I guess I was being selfish. I convinced myself that I was coming back but that I needed to stay to work things out. I couldn't help Ellie anymore without helping myself first. I needed to understand what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't call because I knew how hard it would have been for both of us. I gave her up because I had to and believe me that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I will love her till the day I die but I had to do it. As for me not knowing well you're wrong there to. You may know what it's like seeing her down and sad a few days or cutting till she almost dies, but you see that through the eyes of a friend. You'll never know how hard it is to love someone with all your heart and see them in pain and not be able to stop them. I know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night and hear her crying and going to find her to see her bleeding. I know what it's like to hold her and comfort her and tell her it's going to be ok, when in fact you don't know that it will. I know what it's like to put her in to bed and tell her that you love her and for her to tell you not to because loving her is only going to hurt you. I know what it's like going into that bathroom and picking up the razors and cleaning the blood, and sitting on the floor crying a praying to G-d she'll be ok. I know what it's like going to bed every night and feeling her body right beside you in the bed and fearing in a couple hours that it won't be there, and that I'll walk into the bathroom and find her dead. I've had nightmares every night about waking up and seeing her lifeless body lay on the bathroom floor. I cried for her that's the only time I ever cried was when it was concerning her. When I left it was the hardest thing, because every night I went to bed and she wasn't there and then when I woke up I would go into the bathroom thinking she was there. I got scared every time the phone rang in the middle of the night because I wondered if that was the phone call that was going to tell me that the one girl I loved to death, the one girl that understood me, was dead. I wanted to come back so many times for her. I wanted to say screw my problems and run back to her, but I couldn't. So instead I stayed and I cried and I missed her and I worried. I know Alex, I know more than any of you in here what it's like to wake up to her crying, and go to sleep praying she was alive when I woke up. I know how it feels to rush her to the Emergency room and wait outside dreading that the doctor would tell me I lost her. I know so don't you sit here and tell me how bad it hurt you and that you love her more than me." **No one said anything. Sean had tears rolling down his cheeks. He never told anyone about that he never thought he would.**

"We... we all love Ellie, we've all been here for her. We know how much you love her, but you haven't been here Sean. You know Ellie we can't make her do something she doesn't want to do. We've tried to talk to her we've tried to get through to her repeatedly. But she kept losing everyone or thing she cared about, and in the process she started losing herself. I don't want o put blame and I don't want to make you feel bad, but you're a big part of the reason she is hurting and why she feels like she can't let anyone get close to her." **Jimmy was the only one able to speak without blowing up at Sean. He saw that Sean was hurting but he knew Ellie was hurting more and he was part of the reason why.**

"She hasn't seen you, she doesn't know you're here. I think it would be best for Ellie and everyone else if you just stayed away for a while. If she sees you it's going to bring up painful memories and she can't handle that right now. If you stay away for awhile and let it die down and let us help her get to a point where she's able to see you I think that would be best." **Jay said to Sean as he walked over and sat down at the table in the kitchen. He spoke softly as not to wake Ellie.**

"You want me to just walk away and act like it's ok? No I can't do that I'm sorry Jay I won't." **Sean looked at Jay and spoke coolly as if what Jay was asking was a question.**

"Sean I'm not asking. I love that girl way too much to watch her hurt over you. I did it once; I will not do it again. Don't do it for me, do it for her. Imagine how hard it would be to see you right now. You know she isn't going to want to talk to you and she's going to tell you to leave. We can't help her if she's upset about you being here you know that." **Jay was trying to get through to him. He knew how stubborn Sean could be and that it was going to be hard for him to walk away from Ellie but he knew it had to be done.**

"She lives here with you right?" **Jay nodded**. "So you will be keeping an eye on her?" **Jay nodded once again. **"Fine then I'll go, but I want to know what's happening with her. I want to know how she's doing and I don't want any arguments about any of this any more." **Jay shook his head and agreed to all the terms.**

"I guess I'll take you to my house and you can get situated. You'll have to find things to do around here on your own, 'cause I'm never home. Ok then I'll be right back, call me as soon as she wakes up. I'll be back baby, don't you let her open her presents with out me." **Jimmy said getting off the couch and kissing Alex. He started walking to the door followed by Sean and then they left.**

**The living room was quiet. Everyone was thinking about what had happened today and they didn't even notice Ellie enter the room.**

"G-d who died?" **Ellie was trying to make jokes but she could see that it wasn't going to work this time.**

"El how do you feel?" **Emma questioned as she got up and hugged Ellie who returned the hug.**

"I'm fine I guess. Look guys before you say anything let me just say this. I didn't intend on killing myself, I left the room and went into the bathroom and grabbed the razor. I wasn't even planning on cutting I was just going to look at it. I held it to my arm and I was peaceful and then I heard Jay call me and I got spooked and cut by accident. When I realized what happened I knew that it was deep. I am sorry I scared you guys like that and this time I promise I'll never do it again. I saw what you guys went through and I hated it I knew I was hurting you more then I was hurting myself. I know I shouldn't say this but I'm going to get help because The last time this happened it was with Sean and I saw what he went through because of me and I promised I would never put him or any one else I truly cared for through that. And I realized that I needed help right before I passed out because I heard Sean's voice. It was like he was there and so I felt that I was letting him down and you guys too because I was breaking a promise." **Ellie was crying a little as she spoke. Emma reached over and hugged her and so did Alex. As they broke apart she looked at Jay waiting for him to give her his acceptance to what she said.**

"We wan you to get help but we can't make you so if you're sure this is what you want then I'm there for you, but if you ever in your life do that to me again El." **Jay said giving in and giving her a hug.**

"I know, I'm sorry. Thanks for saving my life. Thank you everyone. Hey where's Jimmy?" **Ellie looked around noticing for the first time Jimmy wasn't there.**

"He had to go take care of something but he'll be right back." **Alex said getting up and walking to the kitchen Emma followed while wiping tears from her eyes.**

"Hey mom you hungry?" **Emma asked trying to soften the mood and got everyone to smile.**

"Are you cooking?" **Ellie said getting up and walking into the kitchen.**

"She better not be and neither should Alex." **Jimmy said walking in the front door.**

"Ha ha very funny Jimmy." **Alex said kissing him.**

"I've come to a decision. I don't think it's very wise for our family's sake that Papa Jay dates little sister Emma so I have to tell you all something. Jay is not your father he is a family friend that has been helping me out." **Ellie said trying to keep a straight face.**

"Well that's great news. I didn't want it getting around that I was dating my father." **Emma said giving Jay a quick kiss. And laughing at the fake shocked look on Alex and Jimmy's face.**

"Ok we're one big happy dysfunctional family right sis?" **Alex said grabbing Emma's shoulder.**

"Right sis." **Emma said wrapping her arm around Alex.**

"Hey now wait me and Jay "Married" into this family. Right Jay?" **Jimmy said patting Jay on his back**.

"Right Jimmy." **Jay said patting Jimmy's back.**

"Whatever you're still apart of this family I'm the mommy and I can still ground you and tell you what to do right everyone?" **Ellie said laughing at there bickering and putting her foot down.**

"Right Mom." **Everyone said together.**

* * *

**Thanks for reading. If you notice the Chapter titles are the break down of the episode titles in which Ellie and/or Sean apear. Please review I hope you like it.**


	4. The Party that went in Flames

**A/N: **I'm back and Thanks for all the reviews I'm glad you like it. I know I said that the chapters were named after the episodes but I changed my mind and I wrote this while I was away and it's very long and that's why it took so long to post. This chapter has parts where it's them thinking and then me narrating

**Disclaimer**: I only own the story and my imagination.

**Chapter 4: **The Party That Went In Flames

**An hour later Ellie had cooked them lunch and they were all sitting in the living room talking. It seemed as though they forgot all about Sean and what happened earlier, even though they really hadn't.**

"So I heard there's this big party being thrown in my honor." **Ellie was happy that she would actually be able to get out of the house and do something fun.**

"Yeah Marco asked us about it a while ago and we said yeah." _I think it would be a good opportunity for her to get out of the house and enjoy life. _**It was Emma who spoke first**

"You still want to go?" **Alex asked**. "I mean are you up for it?" _We haven't really talked about it but it could do her some good._

"Of course," **Ellie said **"I can't miss my own Party especially if Marco is throwing it and expecting me to come." _I so badly want to go just to forget about all of this tuff going on now._

"Yeah it was suppose to be a surprise," **Jay said looking at Alex and Emma 'cause they told Ellie about it. **

"So am I suppose to get dressed and leave for a couple of hours and then come back and act surprised?" **She was really happy about the whole thing, I mean who doesn't love surprise parties in their honor.**

"No I gave him a key so that he could set up at my place. He should already be there I think. Oh damn." **Jimmy said the last word at the realization that Marco was going to throw a party at his house were Sean was currently staying.**

"What's wrong." Ellie asked as the rest of the room looked at Jimmy wondering the same thing Ellie had asked. They didn't **catch on.**

"Nothing I just need to make a phone call." **He got up and grabbed the phone and started calling Marco.**

"That was weird, anyway what should I wear tonight." **Ellie was giddy with excitement, which was weird 'cause that wasn't like Ellie.**

"You're not asking me right." **Jay said looking at her strangely. **

"Of course not I'm talking to those two." **She laughed at his absurd suggestion that she would actually be asking him for fashion advice.**

"Nothing, No answer at Marco's house, his cell, or at my house." **Jimmy came and sat back down wondering how the others were so cool about this.**

"Chill out Jimmy I'm sure Marco will put all the breakables and other junk away." **Alex spoke with sarcasm in her voice. She still hadn't caught on.**

"It's not that I'm worried about." **Then it hit them they remembered about Sean and started to freak out.**

"Well maybe if Marco sees he'll call or something." **Emma was trying to be reassuring but knew that the situation was bad.**

"What's going on, what are you guys talking about?" **Ellie was eyeing them all suspiciously.**

"Well Jimmy, he got you something for your birthday and it's at his house unwrapped and well Marco might see and you know." **Alex was trying her best to lie when really she wasn't lying.**

"I don't think Marco would throw it away or anything ok so just relax." **Ellie still didn't believe them they were all acting way to strangely.**

"No well it might scare him just a bit." **Emma threw in her best lie, which wasn't really a lie.**

"Ok guys I don't think so, so what's going on." **Ellie was now really suspicious and getting upset at the fact that they were lying to her.**

"Well you see Ellie I um..." **He was cut off by Emma**

"He got you a puppy." **Emma blurted out without thinking and everyone looked at her.**

"A puppy?" **Both Ellie and Jimmy said at the same time.**

"Yeah he got you a cute little puppy right Alex?" **Alex just shook her head in agreement.**

"Aw Jimmy thank you I love animals and I always thought a house isn't a home without a pet in it." **She jumped up and gave him a hug and Jimmy shot Emma a look and she just shrugged her shoulders.**

"Anything for you girl." **He hugged her back and then sat down next to Alex.**

"Well I should go get ready. Is that what you guys are wearing?" **Ellie asked Emma and Alex as she got up and started heading to her room.**

"No Em and me have some close in the car. We'll go get them and be in there in a minute." **Ellie just shrugged her shoulders and left.**

"A puppy really is that all you could think of?" **Jimmy said getting up and walking into the kitchen to get something to drink.**

"Yeah well what else could I have said? Anyway that's not important what are we going to do about Sean?" **Emma asked as she took a drink of Jimmy's water.**

"Well there was no answer at the house when I called so maybe he went out for the evening." **Jimmy said and grabbed his water from Emma who was trying to pass it to Alex.**

"So what happens if he comes to the party?" **Jay asked finally speaking with a chuckle at what was going on with the water.**

"Just get rid of him before she sees him. Now if you'll excuse us Em and me have to go get ready." **Alex and Emma got up and went outside to get their things.**

"Yeah we should go get a puppy." **Jimmy grabbed his water from the table and him and Jay went outside.**

"Where are you to going?" **Alex and Emma were on their way inside and ran into them.**

"We have to go get the puppy we supposedly got El for her birthday, We'll be back just tell her we went to the store." **Jay gave Emma a kiss and Jimmy gave Alex one to as they were walking away Emma grabbed the water from Jimmy and she, Alex and Jay laughed.**

**Two hours later Jimmy and Jay returned with a small brown and white Pomeranian for Ellie. Jay and Jimmy got dressed and were waiting for the girls in the living room for about an hour before they finally came out.**

"Finally, Wow Alex you look hot." **Jimmy said as he got up and walked over to Alex. She was wearing Dark pants, and a black and white stripped halter-top with black high hilled shoes and her hair up in a ponytail with a couple curled hairs hanging down.**

"I helped her out." **Emma entered the living room next wearing almost the same thing except she had on a mini skirt and a red and white striped spaghetti strapped shirt and high hill shoes.**

"Well you did a good job and may I say you look hot as well." **Emma walked over to Jay and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.**

"Hey where's El were going to be late." **Jay said as he looked at his watch and then Ellie walked out.**

"Yeah I no I'm ready let's go." **Jimmy and Jay looked at her with pure shock written on their faces. Ellie was wearing a black and red plaid skirt with a black and red tube top with black and red arm warmers and half her hair up and down in bright red curls and she had on light make-up and shiny lip-gloss and high hill shoes.**

"Wow El you look amazing." **Jimmy went over and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.**

"Yeah she looks beautiful, go change we'll wait." **Jay said sounding like an over-protective older brother.**

"What Jay she looks fine come on." **Emma pleaded with Jay**.

"Yea Jay she looks hot." **Alex said trying to help but really she wasn't**.

"Yeah and that's why she's got to change there will be a lot of guys trying to talk to her." **Jimmy Said matter-fact.**

"Hey maybe that's what I want." **Ellie said grabbing her jacket**. _Gosh they can be really over-protective._

"Well that's not what I want, but it's your birthday so whatever let's go." **Jay said grabbing his coat and the keys.**

"Now remember El it's suppose to be a surprise." **Emma said locking Ellie's arm and Alex's arm against her wheel. **

**At the party she really was surprised. She didn't expect all those people or the big blow out. There were lots of decorations and food and all kind of things even a huge banner that said Happy Birthday Ellie on it. Leave it to Marco to do this much stuff. There were people there she didn't know and others she didn't expect to come. Paige, Hazel, Marco, Dylan, Craig, Manny, Spinner, Heather Sinclair, Darcy, Peter. She was kind of shocked that there were lower grade people there but she figured they came with older people. Ellie was sitting on the couch against a wall with Emma while people came up and wished her a happy birthday.**

"Hey Hun I Just wanted to say happy birthday." **Paige smiled and handed her a small box, which Ellie put aside for later.**

"Yeah Happy birthday Ellie, great party." **Hazel who was of course with Paige handed her a card.**

"Hey birthday girl, having a good time?" **Marco came over and gave her another hug followed closely behind by Dylan. **

"Yeah, thanks for doing all of this it's amazing." **Ellie hugged him back and took the gift from him; she really wanted to see what he got her.**

"Well I can't take all the credit Dylan here helped me out." **Marco said and gave Dylan a kiss.**

"Well in that case thank you to Dylan." **Ellie stood up and gave Dylan a hug.**

"It was my pleasure babe and here I got this for you." **He handed her a semi-large box.**

**Back in the living room Jay was looking out the window and watching the door for Sean when Jimmy came over**.

"Any word from Sean yet?" **Jay was being pretty cautious which was turning into paranoia.**

"No, and would you relax if you keep acting the suspicious Ellie's going to start to worry." **Jimmy handed Jay a cup of beer and walked off.**

**Over to the side of the party Manny was being devious and plotting something she was trying to get Spinner to go along with.**

"Manny I can barley hear you, who did you see today." **Spinner was yelling over the crowd and leaning in to listen to Manny.**

"I said I saw Sean today." **She yelled back at Spinner**.

"Oh what's he doing back in town?" **Spinner was drinking something and yelling at Manny.**

"I don't know but he says he's back for good. Any way I invited him here." **Manny yelled back but tried to be quiet she didn't want the others to hear.**

"You invited Sean to Ellie's party?" **He gave her a weird look even Spinner knew that was a big no no.**

"He doesn't know it's for Ellie. I need him to see dance with Emma so I need you to distract Ellie by dancing with her." **She was crazy she was planning everything right down to the bone.**

"Sorry can't do it I'm still trying to get Darcy to trust me and I don't think that would help my case,

ask Jay or Jimmy." **Spinner Got up and walked off leaving Manny to think when Craig walked over.**

"Manny, are you looking for some one?" **Craig had seen her watch the door all night.**

"Yeah Sean." **She really wasn't paying attention to him so she didn't see the look of frustration on his face.**

"Manny please tell me you didn't." **He gave her a pleading look he new this was bad.**

"Yes I did, I don't want my best friend hanging around with those outcast freaks." **She turned to look at Craig who was shaking his head no.**

"You are so unbelievable, Whatever you're in this one on your own." **He walked off not wanting to be a part of the train wreck that was bound to take place.**

"Whatever I don't need him. Oh there's Sean. Hey Sean." **She called out to Sean and he walked over. No one really noticed him.**

"Hey Manny." **He gave her a small hug**

"Glad you could come tonight. Here have a beer enjoy yourself." **She handed him a cup and smiled and started looking for Emma.**

**Back at the birthday table Ellie and Emma were talking and laughing about something when Alex came over.**

"Hey why are you two just sitting here? You need to get up, get drunk, and dance." **She handed them a **

**cup and started dancing. Ellie and Emma looked at each other and laughed.**

"Ok Lex, maybe you should sit down." **Ellie stopped her **

"Get some coffee." **Emma grabbed Alex's cup**

"And get sober." **They both said laughing at her.**

"Ha Ha, I'm not drunk ok, but Ellie you should drink this and go dance with some one." **Alex stood up and handed Ellie the cup again and grabbed her own back.**

"Like who, every guy here is taken." **She took a sip from the cup and put it back down.**

"Oh you can dance with Jay, it'll be fun." **Emma said and got a drink from her cup.**

"Hey guys what's up?" **Jay came over and joined the rest of the group followed by Jimmy.**

"Hey Jay, dance with El." **Emma gave him a sad puppy dog look but he didn't by it.**

"Oh no this song is slow and I don't dance." **Jimmy shook his head and agreed which caused Jay to give hit a slight shove.**

"Come on it's her birthday you have to dance with her." **Emma pleaded more and Alex nodded in agreement.**

"It's not her wedding it's her birthday there is no rule for that." **Emma was getting frustrated and Jay saw it.**

"Damn it get off your ass and dance with her right the hell now." **Emma grabbed his arm and Ellie's arm and pushed them off the couch.**

"Ok fine, El do you want to?" **Jay asked he didn't want to make Ellie do it like they were to him.**

"If it will get me away from them I'm in. Hey who are you going to dance with?" **Ellie asked Emma and Emma looked around the room and spotted someone.**

"Peter asked me earlier so I guess I'll dance with him." **Ellie and Jay walked off followed by Jimmy and Alex. **

**Emma wasn't going to dance with Peter when she looked around the room she saw that Manny was talking to someone but she couldn't see who so she started making her way over to her. Meanwhile Manny was still talking to Sean.**

"Manny I wasn't planning on staying. I'm Temporarily staying here with Jimmy and." **He stopped when he saw Emma making her way over.**

"Look it's Emma, Hey Em look who's here." **Manny pointed to Sean but Emma didn't look to happy and Sean noticed.**

"Manny did you invite him?" **She never took her eyes off Sean when she spoke.**

"Yeah she did but I wasn't planning on staying, actually I was just about to leave." **Sean was clearly not trying to get in the way of anything.**

"No Sean stay and dance with Emma she needs a friend." **Manny was getting into something that was bound to be trouble because Emma was getting even madder and Alex was making her way over.**

"Manny I have told you to many times but out and Sean's right he should probably leave." **Manny was getting upset that things weren't going her way and Alex had just came over.**

"Hey Em, what's he doing here?" **She Looked at Sean and then around the room to see if Ellie could see Sean.**

"Manny invited me, I think I should go." **Sean was trying to get out of there but Manny kept pulling him back.**

"No you should stay and dance with Emma." **Manny just wasn't letting this go. Sean didn't want to be there and it was clear that the other two didn't want him to be there.**

"Look Manny he needs to go and Em doesn't want to dance with him so let it go." **Alex was pissed and Manny didn't care it was obvious that it was about to be a fight.**

"Why don't you shut the hell up Alex and let Emma decide what she wants to do, Sean is staying and don't you call her Em." **Manny yelled back taking a step closer to Alex; they were starting to draw attention from people close by**.

"No Manny Lexxi's right he should leave no offense Sean." She was trying to pull Alex back so that she didn't hit her and vise versa.

"No Emma what the hell is wrong with you, calling each other nicknames and shit. You used to hate these people and they used to hate you to and now your all buddy buddy with them."

"What's wrong with me is that I grew up. I got tired of it always being about you. Every since the day I came back from dropping Sean off. You and how you think I'm getting out of hand, you can't handle the fact that it's not about you anymore and that I've made new friends." **Emma was in Manny's face yelling and they had gathered a larger crowd among them were Paige, Hazel, Craig, and Jimmy.**

"It wasn't always about me. I recall having to listen to you wine about Sean breaking up with you and your mom dating Snake, and then your mom marring Snake and then your mom being pregnant and Sean and you getting back together, and Snake getting cancer, Sean breaking up with you, you liking Chris, you trying to make Sean jealous, you saving the world, you almost being shot, you you you." **Manny was in Emma's face and she had basically told Emma's life story in about 3 minutes and the crowd kept growing as Jay and Ellie had Just noticed and started making there way over but no one tried to stop the argument.**

"Oh please Manny you were there only half the time because it was always about you. You wanting to join the cheer squad, you wanting to hang out with Paige, you wanting to date Craig, you sleeping with Craig, you getting nasty looks and rumors spread, you getting pregnant, you getting an abortion, you getting drunk and showing Peter your boobs and having them broadcast all over school and then back to you and Craig." **Emma was showing a side of herself that no one knew she had. It was only fair since Manny told her story that she tell hers.**

"Thank you for telling everyone about me. But I remember being there for you and being concerned for you when you had an eating disorder." **Manny had a valid point you couldn't say she didn't care about Emma.**

"Yeah I remember to, you were mad at Craig for spending so much time with Ellie and his band that you decided to hang out with me, and then you suggested we go on a diet and I remember you took pert in that with me at first, but that doesn't change anything because the second I was better you ran off with Craig again. And now you can't except the fact that I have new friends." **The group was looking back and forth between Emma and Manny and Jay and Ellie were still trying to get closer.**

"I can but not those freaks, I mean come on. Jimmy's ok but Jay he's a thief and he drinks a lot, and probably does drugs. Alex is a poor girl from the other side of the tracks with bad taste and a bad attitude and she's a bitch. And Ellie's a boyfriend stealer, bad dresser, a freak and a crazy bitch; I mean look at what happened earlier at her house she almost." **Alex cut off Manny and Sean looked like he wanted to hit her and Emma was about to hit her if she kept talking.**

"Hey bitch you might want to shut your damn mouth." **Alex said and stepped closer to Manny.**

"Make me slut." **With that Alex hit Manny and Manny hit her back. Soon they both started fighting and everyone watched as Emma tried to pull Alex off of Manny and then Jimmy started helping pull them apart. While Jay had finally made his way over not noticing Sean was there.**

"You crazy Bitch." **Manny yelled to Alex while trying to fix her hair and her close.**

"You dirty slut." **Alex threw back assessing the cut that Manny left her on her cheek.**

"Enough the both of you, what the hell is going on here." **Jay asked getting in the middle of the floor. **

"Your crazy ass ex girlfriend attacked me." **Craig was holding on to Manny and Jay looked at him and Craig shook his head yes.**

"She asked me to do it." **Alex yelled back while Jimmy was still holding on to her.**

"Lexxi calm down, Em what happened?" **Jay asked looking at Emma who was trying to find the right words.**

"I was... We were... See they were... Hell I don't even know." **Emma said she didn't know what to say. **

"What's he doing here?" **Jay had turned around and noticed Sean standing there.**

"Manny invited him here." **Emma said coolly.**

"Shit where's Ellie." **He asked and Alex, Jimmy, and Emma turned to see her trying to make her way past a few people. She got lost again when she went back to the table to get her purse**.

"I'm right here, it was hard making it through the... Sean."

8

I hope you like it most people aren't into Sellies anymore it's the Crellies but I don't support Crellie no offensive if you do but I love Sellie so please review pretty please.


	5. Is it Worth it Anymore

**A/N: **Sorry it took so long I was having a little writers block and so I wrote like two different stories and I finally had and break through. This chapter might not be that good because I'm still trying to think. They are a little OOC but I had to do it.

**Disclaimer**: I only own the story and my imagination.

**Chapter 5: **Is It Worth It Anymore

Ellie made it through the crowd and walked over.

"I'm right here it was hard trying to make it through the...Sean."

"El let's..." **Jay tried to get her away but she wouldn't go.**

"What the hell are you doing here?" **That seemed to be the question of the evening.**

"I invited him." **Manny had a smug smirk on her face and Ellie just wanted to slap it right off but she didn't.**

"No, I mean what's he doing back in Toronto?" **Ellie looked confused and Manny looked the same Jay and Jimmy weren't happy either.**

"He moved back duh; don't you remember he was at your house this morning?" **Manny rolled her eyes and Ellie turned around and looked at her four best friends.**

"What, he was there?" **Ellie asked, she was just a little pissed off.**

"El let me just..." **He was once again cut off by Ellie.**

"No, you knew he was back and you didn't tell me." **The party started disintegrating down to just a few people which included Manny and the rest of the 'crowd'**.

"We were waiting for the right time." **This just pissed Ellie off even more. She looked around at the four of them.**

"The right time, how bout the second you found out." **Emma looked a little upset and Alex giggled a little causing them to look at her.**

"Wow that's the second time today that I've heard that line." **Ellie turned her attention back to Jay and Jimmy looked at her sternly.**

"Alex." **What the hell is wrong with her?**

"Look El we just didn't know how to tell you." **Alex tried to explain but Ellie didn't want to listen.**

"How bout trying Sean's back. But whatever it doesn't matter anymore. I'm outta here." **She took off walking away from them Jay started to go after her.**

"El just wait, Ellie damn it, thanks a lot Manny." **Jay grabbed his coat and started to take off after her, but Sean stopped her.**

"Let me go Jay, I think it's time we talked. I'm the reason she's upset just let me fix it." **Jay looked at Sean hesitantly and then at the others they nodded and agreed.**

"Fine but if you do anything to hurt hr her..." **He didn't finish he figured Sean got the point. Soon Sean took off looking for Ellie.**

"Well I guess the party's over." **Manny said still holding a bruised cheek.**

"Yeah so get the hell out before I let Alex kick your ass some more." **Manny seemed a little frightened by Jay's threat, she grabbed her things and she and Craig left.**

"Well I guess we better get to cleaning up then." **Jimmy smiled and started handing everyone a trash bag. An hour later they had finished cleaning when Sean returned.**

"Hey how'd it go?" **Emma asked sitting down and curling up on Jay.**

"Couldn't find her, and I checked everywhere." **They all started looking worried.**

"Well we have to find her then." **Alex said starting to get up.**

"Don't bother I'm right here." **Ellie had just walked in and everyone tried to talk.**

"El where have you been, you scared the hell out of me?" **Jay asked with concern in his voice not caring who heard it or not.**

"No, I don't want any questions from any of you; it's my turn to talk. I went home, my old home, and I sat with my mom for a while. You know she's been drinking again, so I sat there and it was like old times. She would drink and I would pick up the empty bottles and clean the table and put the trashcan in front of her. I never understood before why she would want to get so drunk and pass out until tonight. You see her drinking was like my cutting, there's just so much hurt and pain out there in the world that you have to be numb in order to deal with all of it. After I watched her for a minute I went up to my old room. It was there the same way I left it. The same posters and covers, and even the same mess. The bathroom was the same to. I saw the towels and the rugs and even the same shampoo. But the one thing that I was really looking for was there in the same spot, my razors. It got to me the same old routine and it felt so natural just to cut." **Ellie had tears falling from her eyes while Emma and Alex looked on the verge of tears.**

"Ellie..." **Emma tried to talk but Ellie cut her off.**

"No let me finish. You guys told me to trust you and that you would be there but you knew he was back and you didn't tell me. I had lost so much and maybe if I would have known he was back then I would have saw it as a sign that things would be better. But I don't think they ever can be better because I've lost to much and I've hurt to much, but it hurts more to know that the people I love and thought loved me, the same ones that told me to put my trust in them went and did this." **Ellie had finished and now Emma was crying. They all knew she was right they asked her to trust them and then they lied to her.**

"It's not there fault, after what happened between us and then what happened at the house, I didn't think you wanted me there or that I wouldn't be causing you more pain." **Sean tried to give comforting words and take the blame away from the others, which wasn't like him.**

"That doesn't make it any better Sean. You were there and it's not fair that everyone could see you and I couldn't. You were there by my side but then when it got to be too much for you you ran away from me again." **She could tell that she was hitting a nerve and she didn't care she wanted him to hurt the way she was hurting.**

"I never ran away from you, I just couldn't help you without helping me first. And when I came back and saw you passed out I was scared to death and just thought it would be better to wait and see you." **It was like every word they said just bounced right off her she wasn't listening she was in to much pain to listen.**

"You ran just like everyone else does Sean, can't you just be man enough to admit it. You never cared no one ever does." **Ellie was distraught and even though she stopped crying she still had tears in her eyes.**

"Ellie we all care about you." **Emma tried but only failed.**

"Ellie we love you and it's hurting us to see you like this." **Alex failed to; Ellie wasn't listening to them at all.**

"You guys don't care or you wouldn't have kept this a secret. This right here is how much everyone cares." **She lifted her sleeve and exposed all the cuts on her arms. She walked in the kitchen and grabbed the knife out the draw.**

"Ellie please put the knife away." **Jimmy pleaded with her and now Alex was crying with Emma.**

"Ellie go ahead. No guys if she wants to do it she's going to do it whether it's now or later." **They all were staring at Sean as he told Ellie to do it**. "I'm hurting to Ellie we all are. I lost you because of my stupid mistakes and because I was being an ass. But I will be damned if I lose you this way. I will not sit back and watch you tear yourself up, so if you want to die then just do it. But you better believe that the only place you'll make it is to a hospital, because if you have to keep hurting yourself and almost dying then that's fine, but I will be right there to save you every time." **Ellie started putting the knife down and Sean saw that he was getting through to her.**

"I'm sorry but I can't do it I don't want to hurt any more and I don't want you guys to have to watch me go through this." **Sean started taking steps closer trying to get her to give him the knife.**

"It's ok you can get through this and we'll all help you, but you have to let us help you. Everyone hurts I'm hurting over losing you and you'll hurt us even more if you keep doing this and especially if you die." **The crying was dying down a little and as Sean got closer Ellie realized it. She shook her head and brought the knife back up.**

"Ellie please don't do this." **Emma screamed but Ellie wasn't listening.**

You need to cut then go ahead do it here cut me damn it 'cause if you you're going to die then you might as well take me with you. You mean to much for me to sit back and watch you die. I'm hurting right now and this is the reason why." **Jay picked up her arm and pointed to the scars. **"Me losing you will hurt me more than anything; I can't lose you I love you to damn much for that. You're my little sister remember I'm suppose to protect you and you're supposed to be there to hit me when I'm doing something stupid. Who's going to look after me if you're gone? Who am I supposed to sit with and talk to when you die. I don't want to lose you, but if you insist on doing this then you might as well take me with you." **Jay was crying. It was like a once in a life time thing and it was then she knew how much he cared for her.**

"Take me to." **Emma a got up and walked over to them.**

"I'll go to." **Jimmy said walking over and standing by them.**

"Well if it's a group thing then I'm in." **Sean walked up to her to and then they all looked at Alex.**

"Do you want me to die, because I have no problem going with you? But if you don't want the people you love to die then I suggest you put down the knife or else we'll all be joining you in hell. You can't get rid of us that easy, remember were a dysfunctional family, we can't be dysfunctional with out you, it just wouldn't be the same." **Alex walked over to the group and stood around Ellie.**

"If I put the knife down can we stop with the sappy stuff because right now were all out of character." **She smiled and even though the moment was intense they still laughed.**


End file.
